i want to be everything and nothing at the same time.

tell me, how could one not be completely enamoured by these adorable flabby balls of fur?

i was boarding the plane. i took my seat. i was alone, but excited.
i stuffed my huge backpack into the cabin and sat down again.
no one was seated beside me, but there were others on the plane too.
i didn't mind, i appreciated my privacy.
window seat, good. i looked out.
i was sleepy, very sleepy.
plane took off; it was queer that i wasn't feeling the pressure in my ears that always bugged me.
looked out the window, it was sunset.
or was it sunrise? i could not tell.
i saw clouds. beautiful clouds.
then i fell asleep.

sleep felt so good.
i'd never slept so well and so soundly on a plane before.

then i woke up.
we were just about to touch down in england.
i saw the beautiful buildings.
i saw the beautiful clouds again.
i was relieved that nothing had gone awry on that supposed fifteen-hour flight.
as the plane's wheels extended, i felt the bumps that they made.
no, i told myself.
no landing is fully safe till we reach the aerobridge.
so i held my breath. and took in the scenery.

it was such a waste, for me to have slept through most of that long flight.
daddy must have been so disappointed if i told him i slept through, i thought, he'd love to sit through long flights and watch the clouds.

we stopped at the aerobridge, some passengers alighted.
i fumbled with my huge backpack and waited for people to go past first.
then the plane doors closed again and the plane began to move away from the aerobridge.
some people were frightened, others calm.
i was surprisingly calm; as if i knew where the plane was going next.

next i knew, the plane slowly made its way to what resembled a carpark.
it wasn't for cars, but for planes.
many planes parked there, aligned ever so neatly.
the pilot found a spot.
i thought he was going in, but no.
he moved forward still, and went tail in.
made sense, i thought, would be easier for the next pilot to move the plane out.
worked just as a car should, just as daddy had told me.

i finally made my way out of the plane.
what happened after was a blur.
then i realized.

i was so happy because i was supposed to be meeting you there.
you were staying with janie and eldon and a couple of others at a house
it was snowing.

and then something else struck me.
"oh no!" i exclaimed.
"'i've to work next week and i'm here!"
"i've to text her to tell her i've suddenly been posted overseas"

before i knew it, i had braved the snow and rain
and was in a warm house.

there were many people in the house and i had to walk past unfamiliar but happy faces
before i finally reached the familiar ones.
everyone seemed to know me even though i only recognized a few.
there was a party going on i believe.
faces were passing me one by one as i eased my way into the house.

"oh, hi! you're here too! someone's going to be very happy!"

i saw janie, eldon and some others.
then behind them was a figure.

my heart told me it was you.
but i did not see your face.
i just knew it was you.
but i did not touch you.
i just knew it was you.

and then i woke up.

commitment.

how many of us can say with utmost conviction that our initial bursts of commitment to tasks last all the way through?

nearly two decades of life later, it's finally hit me that i can't.